"You don't expect to get anything out of a hobby but the thing itself. You engage in a hobby because you enjoy it or because it relaxes you. You don't become frustrated because you should have done it better, or because you missed a day. In fact, the whole idea of a hobby is to let go and experience something for itself, for the satisfaction and pleasure you take simply from doing it. You don't do it for your self-esteem, for the world, or for inner peace. Your relationship to it is simple, natural, and not self-conscious at all. If it were self-conscious, it wouldn't give you so much pleasure. It wouldn't be a hobby anymore.
Like a hobby, meditation ought to be a time when you can occupy your mind with something for its own sake, without getting caught up in any of your usual preoccupations: Am I doing this right? Are the others doing it better? I'll probably fail at this, just like everything else."
Every single point in this quote hits home for me. Lately my knitting has become something too driven. I often find myself resenting my knitting. I screwed up big time with the direction I've gone and I need to find my sense of play in knitting. I've got to get rid of my inner judge because she is no fun to be around at all.
The same thing happened with cooking. I used to absolutely love it and then I became a freelance food writer/cookbook author and all of a sudden it became something else entirely. My life revolved around cooking things others wanted me to cook and making money. I was so caught up in whether I was doing things "right" that I lost the joy. I stopped being curious about food. I still occasionally cook but I'd like to return to the sheer happiness I felt puttering away in the kitchen all afternoon.
At least I have spinning. I KNOW I'm not good at spinning. I'm sure I'm doing things wrong. I honestly don't care. I just love how it relaxes me and engrosses me. I need to work to get that back with knitting and cooking.
If I ever say anything on this blog about having someone judge my spinning or entering any type of contest involving spinning, you have my permission to slap me silly with a skein of handspun.
Here are my next 3 ounces of Ashford Corriedale for the rainbow project. So far I've finished 8 of 19 ounces.
